Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
