she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sorry my hands just texted you
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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