I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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