I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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