but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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