The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
