DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
