Im at strip club and am horny
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
