I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
