loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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