When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't turn off my feet"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
