Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
