someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
