I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
