i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
