the condom got lost in my hair
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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