also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
