I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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