Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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