weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just cropdusted the office
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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