She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
