i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Vodka?
Forever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
