Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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