I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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