I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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