You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
