Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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