As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
