You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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