Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
