She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
