I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
