Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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