So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
