where am i from again
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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