I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
