i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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