i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
