if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
