fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
