and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
