I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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