OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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