I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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