They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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