I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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