I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
