You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
