He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
