I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
